Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] I laughed along, but the joke about me was really unkind.
[00:00:04] I spoke out about something, but you didn? T back me up. You lied to me, you accused me of something I hadn't done.
[00:00:13] Forgiveness is a really difficult topic because it covers so many aspects. There? S pain that is caused by it and the effects of it. There's the relationships that are impacted and then the further ones that are impacted as a result. There's our sense of justice and then there's a range of physical aspects, whether that be to our bodies or our finances or our lifestyles. And I have to be honest, I've been quite apprehensive about preaching on forgiveness. Not because it's not important, it absolutely is, but because of how sensitive it is. It's all very well somebody saying you need to forgive, because that's what God says you can do when you're not the person dealing with the hurt and the trauma and the pain that's been caused. And I'm also really aware that we had an amazing talk on forgiveness on the 14 January from Ian Fall, and if you haven't heard it or you missed that Sunday, please go back and watch it because it was so well put. And another part was, I didn't want to muddy anything that Ian said because he put it in such a great way. So for all of those reasons, and the fact that our lovely five month old baby is currently teething, so I am incredibly sleep deprived, please forgive me for relying on my notes a little bit more than I normally would. Now you're probably wondering why I have this green stuff stuck to me. Sadly, it's completely dying, but it does stick. I promise.
[00:01:33] If you've ever walked next to a hedgerow, you've probably seen some of this stuff. And if you've been a small child, you've probably covered somebody in it. I know I certainly did when I was little, and I have to be honest, I don't actually know what this stuff is called because we always just refer to it as sticky stuff in our family. And as I was walking through the lanes with Benaya and praying through the preach, I suddenly thought how sticky stuff is a bit like unforgiveness. C. S. Lewis says everybody thinks forgiveness is a good idea until you have something to forgive. And sticky stuff is like unforgiveness. Because unless I actively take this off, even if it in its very dead state because I picked it this morning for our first preach, it still sticks. And unless you actively let go of forgiveness, it's always going to stick to you. There are so many different reasons why we hold on to unforgiveness. It could be that you've held onto it for such a long time. Actually, you don't know if you let go of it that you'll still be yourself. It's almost left a hole in you. It might be that you think you're damaging the other person by holding on to it, or you don't know how to let go to it, or you're not even aware that it's in your heart. But why is unforgiveness important? Well, there's loads of different scriptures that talk about it and we're just going to look at a few of them. You see, what we see from the scriptures is far from being about the other person. Actually, forgiveness is about our relationship with God. In two corinthians 210 eleven, it says, anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ so that we would not be outwitted by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his designs. Satan wants to create division between us and God. And if he can create any space for bitterness, he will use that mark preached last week on how Satan likes to create footholds, to create division. And unforgiveness is a key one that he can use. Matthew six nine to 15 I'm sure lots of you will know this. It's the Lord's prayer. Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this daily bread and forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors. In the first prayer that Jesus ever taught us, he states that just as we have been forgiven, so we must forgive. And one John 420 if anyone says I love God and hates his brother, he is a liar. For he who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, who he has not seen. God wants us to relate to those as he does. And he created each and every one of us uniquely and created us in love. And God wants us to treat people in the same way. In Matthew 1821 to 22, Peter came up and said to him, lord, how often will my brother sin against me? And I forgive him as many as seven times. Jesus answered him, I do not say to you seven times, but 77 times. I'm so grateful to God that he doesn't keep tabs on how many times I've needed forgiveness because I am sure it's far more than 77. And in the same way that God doesn't keep tabs on us, so we are to continue to forgive. Now, in Ian's message, he made a really good point, that forgiveness doesn't mean you continue to put yourself in harm's way or you continue on a path of action that is likely to cause you harm. Again, as a head of year, as a secondary school teacher, I have lots of chats with students about situations where people have been unkind to them. And I wouldn't ever suggest to that person that they continue to hang around with a person that's been unkind. We would look for people who are going to be respectful to them and not unkind. But equally, I would suggest to that person that they don't become bitter and they forgive, because otherwise it's only going to impact their new friendships and themselves. And as a head of year, it's really eye opening. In one week, we can be dealing with Fred, who's been unkind to Harriet. And then three days later, Fred is upset because Joe has been unkind to him. In the same week, one person can be both the villain and the victim. And I can't help feeling how God feels the same about us. He deeply cares about the negative things that have happened to us, but he also cares about the negative things we do to others, to him, and to ourselves, all three. If we continue in that verse. In Matthew 18, verses 23 to 35, Jesus goes on to say, therefore, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wishes to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. That's effectively a lifetime's worth of wages. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold with his wife and children and all that he had, and payments to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.
[00:06:38] And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when the same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants owing him about a hundred. Daenery. That's about a week's worth of wages. And seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, pay what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, have patience with me, and I will pay you back all that you owe. But he refused, and he went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said, you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
[00:07:29] And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you? And in anger, his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay his debt. So also my heavenly father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart. If we put a price on all the things that we had done wrong, how much would we owe?
[00:07:54] How much have we been forgiven? Often people will say things like, well, I've not murdered anyone, but actually the Bible lists gossip and lying in the same list. And I don't say that to condemn, because I am right there too. But it can be easy to forget how much we've been forgiven when for us the debt was free. God has taken each one of our debts and through the blood of Jesus cancelled it out. Now, God is a just God, but he's also merciful. The punishment we deserve wasn't cancelled with no payment. It was paid by Christ. God was merciful to us without compromising justice. And so we are called to be merciful to others, just as God has been to us. God gave us a clear example to follow in how he forgave us. And often people don't deserve it. Neither did we.
[00:08:46] It all begins with the relationship God has established in us. Freely you've received so freely, you give. So back to our sticky stuff. The various reasons why we hold on to unforgiveness. If you think that if you let it go, it will leave a hole in you or it's become part of you, can I encourage you that as God is your creator, he is the one who makes you whole. He will speak to who you are. And if you feel that unforgiveness has become part of you, then he will be your restorer and he will fill in all of those holes. Because unforgiveness will only tear down. It will never build up that you're damaging the other person by withholding forgiveness. Well, as we've spoken about, actually, unforgiveness is really only damaging you and your relationship with God. And the devil loves to drive in a wedge between you and God, so he will maximize on this as much as possible.
[00:09:40] You want to let it go, but you don't know how and you don't even realize you're carrying it in your heart.
[00:09:46] It's God's will that we forgive. And when we're honest with God, and open our hearts to allow him in. He will bring forgiveness.
[00:09:55] He will bring freedom.
[00:09:57] The freedom in Christ course has some really helpful step by steps in how to forgive. And often it doesn't involve speaking to the person involved. It's generally just between you and God. And if you're part of a life group, and if you're not, I really encourage you to join one. Then this week, as part of your life group, they'll go through those step by steps. If you know that you're going to be away or you have to miss it, then can I encourage you to contact your life group leader or speak to me after the service or any member of the team and we can get those steps sent to you.
[00:10:28] Forgiveness is not easy and it can be painful. But in order to completely resolve the pain that we've been carrying around, we have to forgive. We can't move on from the past until we choose to forgive. We have to let God lead us to the emotional core where the healing is going to take place. Often we think forgiveness gives freedom to the person that hurt us. But actually forgiveness gives freedom to you. As the saying goes, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. But it's really important to also remember what forgiveness is not. As I mentioned earlier, it's not putting yourself in harm's way or tolerating sin. And if you need to change the situation or remove yourself, you should. But it's also not forgetting. You can't get rid of hurt by forgetting about it. I can't get rid of that sticky stuff on my top by forgetting about it. The saying forgive and forget is really unhelpful because it's just not biblical. But in our minds, we tie the two together. Given God is all knowing, he can't possibly forget our sins because he's all knowing. But what the Bible says is he'll put so much distance between us and our sins that he will never use them against us. Tending my husband and I have a narrative that we try and live by, which is to keep short accounts. So if things upset us or we've done something that irritated the other person, we'll try and talk about it quickly before it builds up. And that's really helpful. But it also means that once you've spoken about it, you won't bring it up again. And that's really irritating, because when you're in an argument, and you've got an excellent point from two years, three weeks and four days ago that you could really use to nail that situation.
[00:12:10] We've promised that we won't do that. Part of the commitment to forgive is not to bring up the past and use it against them. And forgiveness is also not seeking revenge. Personally, I think this could be one of the hardest parts of forgiveness. When someone hurts you, you want to smash them, you want to get revenge, you want justice. The problem is, again, as Ian said, revenge has an unquenchable thirst. And in Romans 1219, it's very clear, do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath. For it is written, it is mine to avenge. I will repay, says the Lord. Forgiveness is also trusting God, that he is the righteous judge. God will settle every account one day. But we are choosing to take a step of faith and to trust God with what happened, to hand over all the pain so that we can walk free from it. So to end forgiveness is to set the captive free, only to realize that we were the captive. It's between us and God. He commands us to forgive because he loves us. He knows that the bitterness from the unforgiveness will hurt you, and he forgave you so that you can have an abundant life, not a life twisted up with pain. Forgiveness is a process, but it is one that God is eager to walk with you through so that you can be truly free. In Christ and in the coming days before life group, I encourage you to begin to search your heart. Maybe you know exactly the situations and the people you need to forgive, or maybe you're not sure, and it's about opening your heart and asking God to speak to you about it. And I really encourage you to make life group. And if you can't, please do get hold of those steps. Forgiveness is so that you can have freedom, because that is the life that Christ has for all of us.
